Observing Grief (Part 2)

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” A Grief Observed, pg. 3

In his analysis of loss, Lewis says grief feels like fear and suspense. Have you felt it?

Fear and suspense can feel like terror— it can also feel like loneliness. One of the main questions that emerges when we have felt loss is the idea of “Where is God?” Sometimes, we wonder, where is anyone? Lewis so accurately describes Jesus moments before His death, where He asks the Father, “Why have you forsaken me?”

In this picture, we see a Jesus who is confronted with the familiar anguish and feeling of abandonment humanity feels at large. This is the interesting thing Lewis points out—we cannot carry each other’s pain or know each other’s suffering. Even if you are married and “one flesh” you cannot experience your spouse’s pain. What makes Jesus unique is that He carried the pain and grief of the world. He felt the separation that comes with loss. He felt it infinitely more than we could ever. It is not possible for us. But we have a God who has carried us all.

If you are in deep sorrow or loss, it is normal to feel alone. It doesn’t mean you are alone, but you can feel alone. One of the things Lewis grapples with is this idea of having to decide what we think about God. He mentions feeling like an embarrassment. He mentions a friend who has been avoiding him for a week. The thoughts about grief and “living each day in grief” that continue in his brain on loop. There are times when our loss is all we see. The ones who aren’t there. The ones who are quiet. The thoughts that continue to race.

If you feel on loop, find something that takes you out of your current routine. Something soothing. Maybe it is a change of environment or hour-to-hour frame. Connect with others who have experienced loss. Meditate on scripture and journal about who God says you are to Him. Reflect on the ever present nearness of God’s presence. Remember He is near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18), no matter how you feel about yourself, life or toward God Himself. Focus on the facts.

Focus on love. Love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). To start lessening the emotion of fear, you must grow in the knowledge that you (just as you are right now, changing nothing) are so deeply loved.

Stay with us for Parts III and IV. If you missed Part I, find it here.