[Excerpt] People Skills: Your Relationships are only as Strong as Your Skills By Debra Fileta

In some ways, we are more connected than ever. In other ways, we have never been so disconnected. If you have been a part of the community for a bit, you know we are big fans of Debra Fileta. We are excited to celebrate her launch of People Skills: Your Relationships are only as Strong as Your Skills (Feb. 17, 2026), with a special excerpt from her book called Be Real: Authenticity Attracts. When I read Fileta’s writing, I always feel I come away with new insights. I am excited for this one!

Fileta’s new book draws “from Scripture and more than 20 years of clinical practice.” In People Skills, Ms. Fileta “outlines 31 key social skills designed to help readers strengthen their interpersonal relationships, improve self-awareness and ease social anxiety. The book addresses clear communication, empathy, body language, conflict resolution, people pleasing, emotional intelligence, and much more. Debra gives readers the skills they need to thrive in every relationship – at home, in the office, with friends – and be a more effective conduit of God’s love.” (Press)

We thank Booked PR for making this excerpt feature possible.

Check out the excerpt below, and you can order People Skills here. Remember, pre-orders help support our author friends.

BE REAL

Authenticity Attracts

By: Debra Fileta, Excerpt from People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills

Every now and again when my brother comes to visit for the weekend, he’ll stop and give me a quick heads up that I’m about to be a part of his BeReal photo. You may have heard of it, or even use it yourself, but BeReal is an app with the goal of authenticity. It encourages you to stop whatever you’re doing when the daily prompt goes off in order to BeReal, by taking a photo that captures yourself in selfie form as well as whatever is happening on the other side of the cam era and then sends that double-sided picture to your friends. Each day you get the prompt to BeReal at a different time, and the spontaneity of it encourages everyone on the app to share their regular moments of life. It’s meant to give your friends and followers a candid, unscripted, uncurated, genuine glimpse into your everyday real life in contrast to the perfectly framed photos you often find on Instagram. 

I can’t say I ever got into this trend, and I probably never will because, if I’m honest, I find it rather intrusive. I’d prefer to post on social media in my own time and in my own way. That probably tells you more about my personality than it does about the app itself. But there’s something about the popularity of this app that hits the core of our desire as human beings: We want to know others and be known in a genuine and authentic way. There’s something about authenticity that’s attractive. 

“There’s something about authenticity that’s attractive.”

Unfortunately, the culture of most social media platforms has made authenticity really difficult. Because everything is so perfectly curated online, we tend to fall into the trap of putting filters over our lives, presenting things in the way we want them to appear or the way we think others expect us to appear rather than in the way they really are. We choose aesthetics over authenticity. I think most of us fall into this trap on a regular basis. And if we’re not careful, it begins to spill over into how we do real-life relationships as well because a lack of authenticity begins to inhibit authentic connections and relationships. You can’t be truly known and truly loved if you’re not willing to present the true you. 

KNOW YOURSELF

While I don’t believe the ultimate answer to authenticity means taking candid photos of yourself and posting them on social media, I do believe the answer is to work toward being truly known. But before you can be truly known by others, you have to first be truly known by yourself. Some of you are probably in the very beginning of the journey of self-awareness and self-insight. You’re learning about your underlying beliefs, taking inventory of your thoughts, owning your emotions, and discovering patterns for why you do what you do. Others of you have been on this journey for a while and have a deeper understanding of what makes you who you are as well as what you’re about. The journey of self-awareness is regularly looking inward and involves understanding how your past has shaped your present, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, understanding the intricacies of your personality, and staying in tune to your underlying motivations. If I had to summarize this process of self awareness with one verse, I’d choose Proverbs 20:5, which reminds us that the purposes of a person’s heart are like deep waters, but a person of insight can draw out those waters. Knowing ourselves is the journey of drawing out that water from the depths of who we are. It takes time, effort, energy, and intentionality. 

SHARE YOURSELF

If knowing yourself is drawing out the deep waters, then sharing yourself means giving others that water to drink. It’s not enough just to know yourself, being authentic means you share what you learn and know about yourself with others. Authenticity is your way of genuinely connecting with the people around you, giving them a glimpse of who you really are and what’s going on inside of you. It’s allowing others to see both your highlights and lowlights, your strengths and weaknesses, your victories and struggles, your triumphs and failures. It’s about letting people in. It’s about taking off the filter. It’s about seeing authenticity as the way you truly connect, because it’s only when you’re truly known that you can be truly loved. 

WHO KNOWS?

I’m not saying you need to have total authenticity on your social media platforms (although I do think a little authenticity goes a long way). In fact, I am extra careful on social media because I have to be able to trust you in order to let you in, and when it comes to a public social media platform, it’s impossible to get to that level. But what I am saying is that you need to start taking inventory of your real-life relationships and how authentic and genuine you are with the people you desire to stay connected to and build intimacy with. This includes your spouse, your children, your family, and your friends. Who really knows you? Who are you intentionally sharing your life with? Do you make it a point to share both highs and lows with the people you care about the most? Is there anything in your life that you’ve kept a secret, something that no one knows? What prevents you from sharing your authentic self with those you love? 

At the end of the day, full authenticity really comes down to an ability to trust like I mentioned before. You have to truly trust someone in order to let them in, but if there’s no one you trust, then the trust issue might have something to do with you. Trust doesn’t require someone to have a 100 percent perfect track record (otherwise no one would have a chance), but it does require us to believe that they are 100 percent in our corner: they love us unconditionally and care for us completely. It’s less about perfection and more about commitment. Sometimes, we struggle to trust because we’re in a relationship where trust has been broken; other times we struggle to trust because of broken trust from our past. But both cases require us to do some healing in order for us to be able to move forward in authentic relationships. Let’s spend some time assessing where we are with trust, self-awareness, and authenticity. Because in order to be truly loved, we have to be truly known. And in order to be truly known, we have to learn to be real.

“Because in order to be truly loved, we have to be truly known.”

[Excerpted from: People Skills. Copyright © 2026 Debra Fileta. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97408. www.harvesthousepublishers.com. Used by permission.]

Buy People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills here.

About the Author

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor and bestselling author of eight books. Her latest is People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills. Debra is a national speaker who travels the country reaching millions of people with the message of mental, emotional, and relational healing. She’s the founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network, a national team of faith-forward, clinically informed counselors, integrating faith and psychology to help people navigate personal and relational issues. Debra is also the host of the popular podcast and nationally syndicated radio show Talk To Me, where she hosts on-air counseling style sessions with people from across the country. She and her husband, John, and their four children live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Until next time, keep witnessing!